Empty With You
by Loveless-slave
Summary: Could it really be construed as rape if you like it? Rated for drug use.
1. Bad Romance

Mello tightly gripped my throat, digging his nails into my flesh. I tried my best to continue breathing but, with his constricting hold on my neck and his mind numbing thrusts, something had to give. "Meh-Mello, p-please, god please stop!" I screamed. Of course I knew this wouldn't convince him to stop, it never did. Still, I couldn't stop the pleas from slipping through my teeth. "Meell!" I shrieked as he bucked harshly into my nerves. "S-stop." I whimpered.

Mello was kind enough to remove his grip around my neck. He moved down so his nose rubbed against my skin before bitting into the nape of my neck. I shrieked in response. I moved my hands to his shoulders and tried to push him off of me, another feeble attempt, I know. My fingers scratched at his shoulders as I felt some blood run down my neck. Finally he pulled up with that rusty color smeared over his lips, and with a smirk he looked to the left and spit some out. "Gross." he muttered.

"Baby," I started unsure of how'd he react. "C-can't you s-slow- Agh!" Mello thrust his hips again, so hard I hit my head against the headboard._ I shouldn't have asked him like that, especially while he's _under_._ _Sex was painful and horrible while he was like this, it had to be for him to enjoy himself.__ I never wanted to do it with him while he was... well, maybe I'm exaggerating. I mean could it really be construed as rape if you like it? If in the midst you give in and just take? And then by the time it's over you've enjoyed it enough to cum too? I dunno. All I'm really sure of at this point is that I'm really, even after everything, still in love with Mello._

My arms fell to my sides. I'd finally hit that point of giving up, especially after that thought, there really was no reasoning with him. It's just sometimes a glimmer of hope would shine through and try to get through to the real Mello. My lips parted and I began to scream and moan at the mixes I felt. "Hmm." he groaned. Mello kissed my jaw then bit it. He moved his hand to my chin, his scratches looked worse, he must've been picking again. I looked up into his dark hazy eyes, he only kept my gaze for a moment before closing his eyes tightly. He groaned loudly and moving against my nerves. Mello ran his hands into my hair pulling as he began to thrust in and out insanely.

"Unh! Mello!" I began to cry "Oh my god! You're making me cum!" I shrieked. Mello slapped me upside the head as the wave tore through my veins, making me tighten even more so around him. I felt like I was on fire and I couldn't breathe but I felt amazing even with the pain that came.

With the calmest of moans I felt him spill inside of me. He laid next to me for just a short minute before getting up and walking out of room. _I guess that's all he wanted for tonight._ It was highly unlikely that he would sleep tonight, so I moved closer to the middle of the bed. I laid my aching head into the pillows and waited for sleeps warm embrace. Sleep was so close to overtaking me when I felt something getting ripped out from underneath me. "You were on my pants." Mello answered my look. He wiped at his nose then buckled up his belt.

"You're leaving?"

"I need t-to get s'more." he muttered moving to get his boots. Mello sat on a chair and began to pull them on.

I moved to the arm of the chair and sat on it. Placing my arms around his shoulders, I started with "No, stay home an-and," I gulped down the lump in my throat. "And make love to me again."

Mello stood up, making me fall to the ground. "N-no. We'll do it again later." he said, walking out of the room.

I scrambled after him. "Mello, when was the last time you ate something?" he shrugged his shoulders. "Then maybe you shouldn't... do it for a couple days, ya' know? So you can eat something and sleep for awhile."

Mello paused as he put on his jacket and looked over his shoulder at me. "Maybe."

_Is he really listening to me?_ "Y-yeah, uh, h-how 'bout you just come back to bed with me? We can have sex again." I repeated the offer. I grabbed his hand tightly with mine. "Come back to me." I kissed him gently. "C'mon babe, lets go back to bed. We'll go until _you_ can't move anymore. Please?" I begged.

"Matt," he played with my hair with the tips of his fingers. "Do you really know what your promising?" I bit my lip and nodded "Can you even keep a promise like that?" Mello gripped my hair roughly, pulling me close to his body. He bit down in the same place as he had before making it bleed again.

"Ah-uh!" my knees began to knock together. _He's right. Can I keep up? No, but I- I'll do anything to... to get him to stop this... even for a little while. So I'll have to keep his attention. _"Unh! Harder!" I begged. The blood began to seep again, running down my chest. I didn't care, as long as Mello was staying here with me. "Mgh, Mello," I moaned. "I'll do whatever you want!... Wh-at do you want?" I saw Mello spit off to the side again before returning to me. His hands grabbed my hips, they were clammy but felt good to me. Mello moved up so he was face to face with me. He ran his hands up my back gently then scratched his nails down to the small of my back. "Agh Mello!"

He pulled away to look me in the eyes. "On your knees." I nodded and moved down his body. I was scared but, I knew it'd be worse if he went. _There were so many more ways he can end up if he goes out then I can if I just have sex with him again._ My hands slightly trembled as I reached for his zipper. I pulled the slider down and reached inside, he was semi-hard already. _This is gonna hurt. _My lips parted so my tongue could meet him. "I don't have all night." he growled.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. This time I rushed to fit him inside my mouth. Mello groaned loudly before bucking roughly and deeply inside, making me gag. Tears began to form at the corners of my eyes and they stung horribly. Mello grabbed the back of my head to push his way deeper.

This went on for what seemed like hours. Once he was fully hard again Mello stopped, to my relief. "Get your ass back in bed." he snapped. I nodded and stood up. My throat was raw, burning all the way down into my quivering stomach. I wiped the saliva from my chin with the back of my hand before making my way back. His foot steps were close behind me, making me nervous. My whole body was beyond aching from the first round and now we were going for two. It'd take me awhile to recover from this, but I loved Mello more then enough to bare it. _To keep him safe. _I reminded myself, that's what I was going to get out of this. I was about to lay on the bed but he pulled me back to him by my hair. I cried out, but he silenced me with a bruising kiss. He pushed me onto the bed and his teeth knocked against mine then bit down on my lip. I whimpered against his lips. My eyes shut tightly and I moved my arms up his back to slip off his leather jacket.

I was glad I'd stayed naked (he got really mad at me if he had to take my clothes off) when Mello bucked against me, his cock grinding against mine. This was his way of telling me was gonna be entering soon, if I was ready or not. "Mello!" I leaned my head deeply into the bed and arched my back so our stomachs touched. My legs wrapped around his ass, making him grab my ribs with his nails, "Uh!" I cried as he clawed down.

He bit into my right ear, letting his canines dig into the cartilage. The sensations set a wave of fire to the back my right eye and I shrieked again. "Get on your hands and knees." he demanded in a harsh whisper. I struggled to flip around, I was so scared. Once I did make it, Mello grabbed my hips, pulling me onto him. The pain made me see white for several minutes as he had started at a painful pace. He fisted my hair then pushed me into the bed so that I couldn't breathe again. "Fuck!" he groaned and moved against me. His hand fell from my hair. I struggled to hold myself up with my hands, it seemed almost impossible, my elbows were ready to buckle at any second.

All I could do was whimper when he started to grab my inner thigh. Mello began to rub it, almost tenderly before scratching up to my hip. I moaned at the burning and finally gave up on holding myself up and moved both hands down to rub at my stinging erection. "Auh," I moaned. Everything was so painful, it actually felt good... actually it felt blissful. "Mello!"

"Stupid bitch." he grabbed the back of my neck, threateningly. I moaned which seemed to encourage him because he moved against me again. His fingers pinched my nipples then he moved them up to my hair again. My lips were parted so that there was a constant flow of my noises and so that I could salivate. My mind was so gone I couldn't even try to swallow anything. Mello was really going hard now, it was blinding and I knew he was starting to get ready to do _something_. It was always at this point when we had sex in this position, when I was barely conscious enough to feel and somewhat see what was happening, he'd do something. It was always different, and always painful... but always made me cum. _I've really become quite a masochist in such a short amount of time. _

I kinda smiled at the thought of the last time when he slammed my head into the headboard (at least that's what I remember happening) and the time before that when he actually did choke me until I passed out. Once I did ask him why he did it, as far as I could understand it made me tighten more around him so he could climax with me... it was kind of sweet. Mello groaned loudly, my stomach began to do back flips as my hips trembled and I knew... we both knew it was coming. He moved away from me while his hands gripped my hips to guide them back harshly. Mello scratched his nails all over my body making me see white "Awh, Mello!" I shrieked closing my eyes tightly. His fist met the back of my skull hitting it so hard lights flashed in front of my eyes and the last thing I felt was that hot fluid explode onto my hands.

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A/N: I'm in a good mood after Anime Expo ending and getting oh-so many good deals so I decided to finally put this story up!... Is it weird that my good mood is expressed through a sad story about drugs? xD Anyway, I think this will only be one or two more chapters. Review thank you please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, The Used or Lady Gaga.


	2. Writing On The Walls

I was in utter agony. The pain hit every inch, every nook and cranny of my body. Now that I was starting to gain consciousness it was really hitting me, and I couldn't put it off as some dream. My whole body ached with pain when I shifted, especially my ass. Then I felt it, between my legs, was cum, seeping from my insides. But it didn't feel like it had been inside of me for that long, it felt like- "Mello?" I wheezed and flopped my head to look at him. He laid there next to me, un-blinking "Di-did you keep going after I... _fell asleep_?"

He moved his head stiffly up and down. "I stopped an hour ago." _I wonder how many times he came. _"I'm going to sleep now."

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling rather happy.

Mello nodded again, "I just have a couple things to ask of you."

"O-of course! Anything!"

"When I wake up have something ready for me to," he swallowed dryly. "eat. Also when you go to sleep I want you to sleep in the bed with me. Not on the couch."

A wave of pain racked my body as I reached an arm around his chest. "Sure thing, Mello." I pulled myself close to him and did my best to move a leg around him. "I think I'm gonna go back to sleep with you." I yawned and looked passed him at the clock. _8:30 A.M. That means he went for about five hours. Not to bad. _Mello wrapped an arm gently around my neck making me feel rather content and safe. _Is that weird?_ Before I gave it to much thought, I said "I love you."

"I love you too." his cool hands rubbed circles on my shoulder blade for only a moment before he abruptly stopped, then his eyes closed tight. _He's asleep._ I smiled and followed his example, letting my eyes flutter shut.

_When I finally did wake up. I started with my rituals for when Mello was asleep. Sure I'd have at least two days to get everything done, but what if something happened and he- Well anyway, I always start with taking a bath. Before Mello fell victim to his addiction, I wasn't one for baths. Soaking in your own dirty water doesn't exactly sound great. But then the sex got really violent so it became a necessity to keep up and standing can get kinda hard. Baths really worked to dole bruises... at least for a little while._

I laid the back of my head on the cool wall tile and laid a towel over my forehead. _He must of hit me a few more times. _My ears began to ring at the thought. "Mgh." I groaned.

_It wasn't always like this between us. Mello and I both just went through a rough patch and didn't know where to turn. L and Whammy were dead and then we were kicked out of the orphanage by Roger. Really it wasn't that big of deal, both our parents had left us each quite a sum of money so that wasn't an issue. Still, it was only us, no more bothers and sisters or loving mentors. Then one day Mello came home with some crystal, just to try. "Just this one time __to dole some pain.__" he promised. We both tried it. __At first we were both having fun, getting high, having sex, then repeating._

_Then I decided I'd had my share and came down. Mello wasn't done though._

_He kept going for a few more days. It didn't bother me though, at least not until he raped me. But like I said before, if you just give up and start to enjoy it, it can't really be rape... right? Of course not. __After that it wasn't so great. But I remember the first few times he came down after we'd had rough sex. Mello apologized over and over, said he'd never do it again. He made love to me so sweetly, kissed every bruise. Now when he comes down we don't talk about it anymore. I barely have enough time to get to have sex with the real him once before he decides to do another line. I guess I can't really blame him though, he gets so sick without it. _

_Once I did mention rehab. Mello beat the shit out of me; a black eye, broken wrist, countless bruises and scratches, and a cracked jaw later I got the hint. Never mentioned it to him again. Admittedly, I've thought about calling the cops on him. Maybe I could get that Dr. Drew guy to talk to him? I've seen him on that Celebrity Rehab, he seems like a cool guy. Not like most therapists. _

_Or maybe I should give up on the dream of living happily ever after with the real Mello? Maybe I should start using again? Or maybe I could end it? No. That's out of the question! Death is what triggered this in the first place. Mello really never was the same after L and Whammy died. It's proof enough can't leave him alone. _This thought made my eyes sting with tears. _I can't ever leave him! I love him so much. _

I sat up in the tub, immediately feeling why that was a bad idea. So I moved onto my slightly less sore knees. "Oh Mello, I don't know how much more I can take of this life." I laid my chin on the cool tub. _I should go grocery shopping. _I decided, standing up from the tub. The water trickled down my body and I kicked the plug out with my foot. I dressed quickly trying my best not to given in to the temptations of giving up.

_Mello still pretty much likes anything chocolate. _I thought writing a note to myself to get a box of chocolate donuts and a box of brownies. "Hmm." I sighed, tapping the notepad with my pen. _I'll get a few more ready to eat things and then grab some stuff I can make. Maybe I can make him some- _Then suddenly, I realized that I was smiling and felt like I was going to see someone I hadn't in years. _I kinda am. _The smile melted from my face. I ripped the paper off and stuffed it into my pocket.

_I really hate shopping. Whenever I go I feel like everyone knows exactly what happened the night before, like why I have the bruises around my neck and the cuts on my lips. They don't have any idea though, right? No way... well maybe one or two of them. The girl who lived next to us for awhile knew. In fact she drove me to the hospital after I mentioned rehab to Mello. Never asked a question and I did the same. Never asked why she had those tiny burns about the size of cigarette on her hands. We both knew what had happened. She moved out of our apartment complex when she got knocked up, though. I hope she's okay._

_Every time I think about it, I'm glad I'm a guy so that we can't bring a child into this. Even if I could I think I'd- I'd probably get an abortion. Sure at one point I would've loved to have something part Mello and me but, ya' know? Things changed._

I rushed through the store grabbing all the usual stuff; milk, toilet paper, beer and cigarettes. Some new additions were Mello's things like chocolate everything. Thinking about it now I was starting to realize how _occasional _Mello's things were getting. First it was about once a week or week and half, now it was about once a month, if that. _No, no, no! _I had to stop myself from thinking any further. Lucky me my I was distracted by "Will that be cash or credit?"

"Oh, here." I pulled my debit card and gave it to the cashier.

When I got home I laid all the groceries out on the counter before putting them away. Of course, leaving a few choice items out on the counter for Mello to find. For the first time in a long time, I looked around the apartment. "What a sty." Then again it was impossible to clean when Mello was awake. Even now if I made to much noise it'd be my head through the wall. _By now you're probably wondering why I'd stay with Mello through all of this._

_Sure, there's the obvious that I'm utterly and unconditionally in love with him. But even more so when my parents died and I had to go to Whammy's- Well, I'll start from the beginning._

_My parents died in, I guess, very unusual ways. First my mother died of blood cancer, which is pretty rare considering she was only about thirty. I don't remember that much about it though, I was only three. If I'm correct, she didn't make it past a year. Then around six my father was killed, it's another thing I don't remember much about. I do remember when the therapist said I had "repressed memories and emotions" when I was seven. By age seven and a half was when I was finally placed in Whammy's, after finding no living relatives. "Surprising, coming from such a prestigious family." someone said that too. There are only bits and pieces of those seven years that I can remember, until I met Mello._

_Like most traumatized kids I really didn't talk or interact with the other kids much. I guess they decided that should change. When I was about eight and a half they made the very social Mello be my roommate. It was only a month before we were attached at the hip... Well, me to him. Yet another thing I just for the life of me can't remember as much as I want to. I wonder if he did or said something to me. Because I followed him everywhere, I only talked to him, and only did anything with him. My earliest memory of Mello is meeting him then the next thing is a few months later when we were outside playing. It must have happened by then because L would always talk about how hard it was for me to go outside and how it took Mello just a few days._

_Whatever it was he did, it must of been profound._

_I do remember other things he did for me. Like letting me sleep in his bed with him when I felt lonely or giving me a pep talk when I needed it._

"Whatever. I love him and I don't want to leave. Mello was always there for me, so now it's my turn." I walked back to our room. Mello was still sleeping, looking utterly harmless. He was laying mostly on his half of the bed, but his head was on my pillow. My face flushed and I walked over to the bed. First, I slipped out of my clothes before sliding in. My head barely fit on the pillow with him, it didn't bother me. He was breathing calmly, making me feel totally at peace. _As long as this is what you want, then I'll be happy. Even if it kills us. As long as we're together, I'll be happy. But... I hope to God you come down._

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**The End**

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A/N: Did you guys know that Dr. Drew can sing opera? He's so rad! Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who read and alerted/favorited/reviewed this story. I hope you all liked it! Empty With You is officially dedicated to my friend who is doing her best to get healthy. I love you! Also, if you're interested please vote in my poll to help me decide what story I put up next! Review thank you please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or Underoath.


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